


Starting Over

by forevermyplayground



Category: GOT7, Miss A
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Romance, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-27
Updated: 2016-11-02
Packaged: 2018-08-27 06:36:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8391022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forevermyplayground/pseuds/forevermyplayground
Summary: Neither of them want this. But they need it. They need time apart to save their love and their relationship. Because if they don’t, they could lose each other for good and they are nothing without each other.





	1. This Isn't Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> Angsty sad beginning with broken-ish Markbum.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, its yours forever. If it doesn't, it was never meant to be.
> 
> Or, Jaebum and Mark let each other go for the sake of saving their relationship but are unsure if they'll be unable to find their way back to each other when the time comes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angsty sad beginning is angsty and sad.

_Let’s take a brief break_  
_So that we can see if we still love each other_  
_We’ll go our separate ways_  
_To see whose heart has grown more distant_

  
“You need a break from each other.”

Those seven words shake them to their very core.

They’d come here to save their relationship. Not to be told that it has to end.

Seeing their shocked faces, the kindly looking doctor, a man in his early thirties, smiles softly at his patients.

“Not a break-up. Just a break. You’ve become too dependent upon each other.”

“We came to you for help. If we wanted someone to tell us to end things I would have called my brother.”

“Calm down, Jaebum. I’m not telling you to end things. I’m telling you that you, both of you, need to take a step back from your relationship so you can gain some perspective and reassess how you feel about each other.”

“Couldn’t you just... talk to us about it like a normal therapist, Dr. Park?”

“I could, and we will, but that won’t help you with all of your problems. What you need is to reestablish your separate, individual lives. Think of it as a trial separation so that you can start over.”

“Are you sure this will help us?”

“Of course. I wouldn’t be sitting here if I wasn’t.”

After a moment of careful consideration, they reluctantly agree to the trial separation. Because they love each other and they want to make things work.

Dr. Park smiles pleasantly and pats them both reassuringly on their knees.

“I promise you, this is not a permanent thing. For today, I want you both to go home and just be with each other. Go on a date, hold hands, kiss, make love. Enjoy each other’s presence. Because tomorrow your trial separation begins."

With heavy hearts and hands tightly clasped they leave the therapist’s office and embark on their final day as a couple.

  
***

  
They make love for the last time that night.

After a beautifully romantic dinner at Mark’s favorite restaurant, they go home and dance around their living room to their song.

Looking into his boyfriend’s pretty brown eyes Jaebum remembers the first time they’d met.

He remembers that day in the university’s library with great fondness. He remembers looking from his music sheets and locking eyes with a pretty looking young man with pink hair and a matching delicate flush on his cheeks.

He remembers looking into eyes so impossibly wide and knowing that that was the person he was going to spend the rest of his life with.

He remembers all the anxiety coursing through him as he’d walked over to introduce himself, sliding into the seat opposite of a then teenaged Mark and extending a shaking hand across the table.

It had started out as such a beautiful, wonderful thing.

So much love, and joy, and overwhelming happiness.

So many minutes, hours, days, and years wrapped up in each other.

Yet somehow as the years had flowed by and they went from nervous teenagers to anxious adults, that wonderful beautiful thing became a wrecked, ugly thing falling apart at the seams.

He studies Mark’s handsome face, notes how he hasn’t changed much in the eight years they’ve been together.

Then his eyes fall on the terrible bruise marring the delicate porcelain skin of his cheek, and he wants to throw himself off a cliff.

He’d done that. Two nights ago he’d let all of his stress finally get to him and he’d lashed out.

He’d struck Mark across his beautiful face with a hard fist and then spent the entire night apologizing through tears.

Though his beautiful angel had forgiven him right away, the guilt eats at him every moment since that godforsaken incident.

He’ll never forgive himself for hurting the person he loves more than life itself.

As the song begins, Mark smiles up at Jaebum and presses a soft kiss to his lips.

He murmurs softly that he wants to take a warm bath and the younger boy happily obliges.

After a bath of bubbles and wine, Jaebum presses his boyfriend into the mattress and does his very best to memorize every detail.

Nothing about this moment is rushed, every move slow, methodical, and calculated to make this one final moment between them last as long as possible and maximize Mark’s pleasure.

He runs his large hands all over the older boy’s body, brushes a calloused thumb over Mark’s bottom lip before pressing their lips together in a soft but deep kiss.

Then he mouths a heated trail down the older boy’s neck and torso, stopping to tongue gently at his navel before changing direction and kissing his way up both legs.

He pauses to bite softly into a soft milky thigh before taking the older boy’s hardened cock into his mouth.

Above him, Mark whines and balls his fists into the pillow beneath his head as Jaebum hollows his cheeks and creates a delicious pressure with his talented mouth.

A moment later his entire body tenses as a slicked up finger probes at his entrance, circling the puckered flesh before pressing inward and Mark doesn’t bother to hide the quiet gasp that falls from his lips as he grinds down against the lone digit.

Jaebum takes his time working the boy beneath him, pressing his tongue to the vein on the underside of the cock in his mouth as he inserts another finger into his boyfriend and draws out a strangled moan upon brushing against that delicate bundle of nerves on his prostate.

Agonizing minutes pass by as Jaebum continues to work Mark into a trembling mess, eventually inserting a third finger as he pulls back to wrap his free hand around the base of his boyfriend’s cock and press the tip of his tongue into the slit at the head of his cock.

With his eyes trained on his lover’s face, he slides downward and slips his tongue in past his fingers, tasting his inner walls for what may very well be the final time. He works him open with skilled fingers and a talented tongue until the older boy becomes pliant beneath him.

The he pulls away, a lewd trail of saliva connecting his lips to Mark’s puckered entrance as he takes his cock back into his mouth, working him until his entire body tenses beneath him.

This, Jaebum thinks, is when Mark is most beautiful.

Skin flushed and sweaty, lips plump and red, and back bowed beautifully off of the bed as he orgasms with a quiet moan, three fingers against his prostate, and his lips wrapped around his cock.

He tries to sear this image of Mark, pliant and sated from his release, into his brain for when he can no longer have this.

After he takes everything the older boy can give him, he pulls back and withdraws his wet fingers as he kisses a trail back up the heated skin of Mark’s torso.

He kisses and licks and nibbles his way up the soft porcelain flesh, pressing a tender kiss directly over the older boy’s pounding heart as he whispers silent words of love and possession into the overly warm flesh.

Then he’s leaning up and taking Mark’s lips in a filthy meeting of lips, teeth, and tongue as he spreads his lover’s thighs and sheathes himself in the tight heat of his body.

(Although he’ll never admit it, Mark takes secret pleasure in tasting himself, salty and a bit bitter, on Jaebum’s tongue. Because that’s how he knows that Jaebum belongs to him.)

Mark cries out against Jaebum’s lips, spreads his thighs further and arches his hips higher to take him deeper.

When Jaebum finally bottoms out inside of him, balls pressing against the warm soft flesh of the older boy’s ass, he stills completely and rests his forehead in the crook of Mark’s neck.

Chest heaving, filthy little whimpers falling from his lips, Mark tries to lift his hips to get some kind of friction but large hands slide down his waist and still his hips against the mattress.

“Shhh, baby, relax.”

“Jaebum, please, I--”

“Shh, shh. Breathe, baby. There you go, just like that.”

“Jae, please, move.”

“No. I want you to close your eyes and concentrate on this moment. On the feeling of me deep inside you, pressing against your most sensitive place. And I want you to come for me, just like that. Untouched.”

Fighting the urge to just flip them over and ride Jaebum into oblivion, Mark forces his eyes closed and wills himself to relax.

He focuses on the feeling of his walls clenching around the hot, throbbing cock pressed against his prostate, of Jaebum pressing little nibbling kisses to the skin at the crook of his neck. The sensations of large, warm hands rubbing soothing circles at his hips and of his lover’s soft warm breath against his tingling skin.

Practically bathes in the white noise, clenching down on the solid warmth inside of him as he slowly works his way toward another release and concentrates hard on the minute brushes of skin on skin, of the way his hardened pink nipples brush against the wet skin of Jaebum’s chest every time he takes a breath.

On the delicious smell of sweat, sex, and Jaebum wrapped around him. The way the room is too hot, the air too thick.

The pleasure builds and builds in ways he never thought possible, until finally it becomes too much and he falls over the edge with a startled shout, coating their chests and stomachs in sticky white.

Through it all Jaebum, breathing in tiny little gasps against his collarbone, is solid as a rock inside of him, pressed up against his prostate and making him see stars as he comes down from his high.

His entire overly sensitive body comes alive once more as the younger boy supports his own weight on one forearm, the other hand still curled around Mark’s hip, and pulls out all the way to the tip, then pushes all the way back into the hilt in a long, slow slide.

Mark, for all the pleasure that he’s taken this night, wants to give back in some way. He wants to curl around Jaebum, touch him, kiss him. To respond in some way.

But he’s so numb from the pleasure, muscles too relaxed from multiple releases, that all he can do is wrap his legs loosely around the younger boy’s hips and run his fingertips up and down the expanse of his sweat-slicked back as Jaebum sets a brutally slow pace.

In, and out, slow, and impossibly deep.

Some time later the precise strokes start grow erratic and Mark knows that Jaebum is fighting for control. He’s trying to keep this going, to prolong the pleasure and push away an unwanted end to a wonderful evening.

Because he doesn’t want it to end.

But they both know it has to eventually.

So Mark finally, finally finds a way to give back to Jaebum all the pleasure he’s received.

He tightens his legs around Jaebum’s waist, and lifts the younger boy’s head from his shoulder with warm hands to crush their lips together and whisper against his lips.

“Ngh... hah... It’s okay, baby. You’ve been so good to me all night. So... ngh... so good. You can let go, now. Gah..hah... Come for me, baby. Please... Oh, god, Jae!”

His siren call works and Jaebum find himself reluctantly dragged over the edge with a loud shout muffled against Mark’s swollen lips, shoving himself into the boy beneath him one final time hard and deep as his seed fills Mark’s tight heat.

As Mark’s body milks him for all he’s worth, walls clenching and trembling around him, Jaebum’s entire vision goes static and he blacks out for a good thirty seconds.

A split second later Mark reaches his final release as well, cock twitching violently beneath them with nothing else to spill as his entire body tenses and then goes slack.

They kiss lazily for several minutes thereafter as they come down from their high and the sated heat dulls to a pleasurable warmth in their bellies.

As they bask in the afterglow of glorious lovemaking, Jaebum extracts himself from his tired boyfriend with a pained hiss and disappears in search of a towel to clean them up. When he returns a moment later, Mark is fast asleep with a little smile on his bruised lips.

Blissfully unaware that come morning their carefully built lives will come crashing down around their feet.

Unaware that the reason Jaebum had spent the latter half of their act with his face buried in the crook of Mark’s shoulder was because he hadn’t been able to fight back the tears, or keep his heart from breaking at the thought of losing the only person he’s ever truly loved.

Blinking back a fresh wave of tears, he cleans them both up with the towel in his hand and drops it too the floor as he pulls the sheets over their naked bodies.

Propped up on one elbow, Jaebum stares down at his sleeping boyfriend and gently traces his calloused fingers over velvety eyelids, the soft slope of a button nose and soft forehead, the gentle swell of his cheeks, and his swollen lips.

He tries his best to commit the image of his sleeping angel to memory, because he knows that in a few hours he won’t have this anymore.

He won’t have the luxury of turning over in his sleep and feeling Mark’s warmth pressed up against him. Of kissing him in the middle of the night to reassure himself that he isn’t dreaming, that the older boy is real.

All he’ll have after tonight is a cold, empty bed and a broken heart.

All he’ll have are the memories, and pictures on his phone.

With Mark asleep, he doesn’t have to hide his tears. So he allows them to cascade freely down his cheeks as he gathers the sleeping young man against him and presses a trembling feather light kiss against his lips.

And as sleep finally overwhelms him, he whispers sleepy promises into light brown hair.

Promises of a future together, and a lifetime of love and happiness.

Promises to fight for the man he loves.

“I love you, Yien. So much. Hopelessly, desperately. Truly, madly, deeply. Forever and always.”

They’ve spent all night carving those words into each other’s skin, into their hearts, and souls. But it’ll never be enough.

They could spend their entire lives telling each other those same words every minute of every day and still it would never be enough.

But they don’t have the rest of their lives. At least not right now.

Right now, this moment, this night is all they have.

So Jaebum holds Mark tightly as he drifts off into slumber.

When Mark wakes up in the morning, the bed is cold and empty.

He doesn’t have to look around to know that Jaebum is gone.

All that’s left of him is the black sweater of his that Mark adores, laying in his spot on the bed, and a neatly folded letter on his pillow.

All that’s left of him are a few words scrawled messily on a piece of paper, smudged by wet spots from stray tears.

  
**_Yien, my precious little love,_**

 **_I’m sorry I left without seeing you this morning._ **  
**_I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to leave if I did._ **

**_I need you to know that you’re everything to me, my little love, and_ **  
**_I’ll do whatever I have to do to come back to you._ **

**_So this isn’t goodbye. Not a chance in hell. This is just until we meet again._ **  
**_Because we will meet again. Of that much I’m certain._ **

**_I love you, Yien. Hopelessly, desperately._ **  
**_Truly, Madly, Deeply._ **

**_Yours forever and always,_ **

**_Jaebum_ **

**_PS- Smile for me, Yien. You're always so beautiful when you smile._ **

  
Mark dresses hastily, fumbling with his shirt as it slides over his head, and stumbles out of the apartment with the letter clutched firmly in his hand.

He trips his way down the stairs, too impatient to wait for the elevator, and lurches through the sliding doors of the parking garage just in time to see Jaebum’s silver Audi R8 driving out of the exit.

His knees give out as Jaebum’s car rounds the corner, and he falls to the ground.

In the exact same moment, his world comes crashing down around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. That happened. Don't ask me why Jaebum calls Mark his little love. It just worked out that way when I thought about the kind of dynamic I wanted their relationship to assume.
> 
> Feedback is always appreciated. Loved it? Hated it? Have suggestions? Don't be afraid to let me know! I promise I don't bite :)
> 
> Next chapter coming soon. I promise ;)


	2. How Did We Get Here?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where it all went wrong and how it all fell apart. 
> 
> Or, how two people who love each other beyond reason become two people who can hardly be around each other without yelling or arguing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note 1: Yay update!  
> Note 2: I own nothing and noone.

 

_Baby it seems as if we don’t love each other anymore_

_Tell me why baby_

_Was it because of my heartless indifference_

_That we lost each other without meaning to_

 

They’ve heard whispers of the dreaded seven year itch.

But never once did they think it would happen to them.

They never thought they’d be at each other’s throat every other day over the smallest things.

Never thought they would bear witness to the disintegration of their own relationship.

But it happens without them realizing it. Not until it's too late and the extensive damage has already been done.

It starts on a Tuesday, after Jaebum comes home from a long night of bar hopping with his bestfriend Jackson and Jackson’s cousin BamBam.

It happens because he comes home smelling like someone else, someone unfamiliar, with a glaring bruise sucked into the pale skin at the base of his neck.

Mark isn't insecure. He knows Jaebum would never ever cheat on him. Not with his own history.

But that doesn't stop the tears from pooling in his brown eyes, bottom lip trembling as he stares at the offending blotch marring his boyfriend's neck.

It doesn’t stop him from getting irritated and banishing a drunk Jaebum to the couch that night, where he wakes up the next morning to a massive hangover and a painful crick in his stiff neck.

After seducing a pardon out of Mark by way of kisses, cuddles, three fingers rubbing against his prostate and pretty pink lips wrapped firmly around his cock, things go back to normal.

Or, as normal as can be with the first little crack in the foundation of their relationship.

Two months later Jaebum ends up on the couch again, and it takes three days for them to patch things up.

That time it’s because Jaebum snaps at Mark for bothering him in the middle of something important and calls him ‘a needy little bitch’.

All Mark had been trying to do was ask him what he wanted for dinner.

Jaebum apologizes with a candlelit dinner and heated make-up sex over the kitchen table.

Another two months go by after that without issue.

Then one day Jaebum forgets that he made plans for a date night with Mark.

He only remembers half way into the concert he’d gone to with BamBam and by then it’s too late to leave.

Mark ends up looking and feeling like a fool sitting in their favorite restaurant waiting for someone who never shows up.

Or rather, someone who stumbles in three hours late only to find the restaurant empty and have a note handed to him by the host.

Jaebum pays dearly for his lapse in memory and spends a week moping around on his cousin Jinyoung’s couch.

The day after Mark finally allows him to come home they have their first big fight.

“I said I was sorry!”

“You’ve been saying that a lot lately Jae.”

“What else do you want me to say?!”

“How about you just don't do anything you’re going to be sorry for later?!”

“What am I, a saint!?”

“Not by a longshot.”

“Then why are we even arguing about this!?”

“Because I care about what happens to us. Can you say the same?”

“Wh-Of course I do! What kind of question is that?”

“Then act like it!”

“What?”

“It’s hard to tell if you care lately Jae.”

“Baby-”

“If you're so unhappy just say the word. I won't beg you to stay.”

“How- How can you even say that? You know you're everything to me!”

“Then fucking act like it! I forgave you for coming home drunk off your ass smelling like someone else with a damn hickey on your neck because I know you would never cheat! I forgave you for calling me a needy bitch because I know you didn't mean it!

“But do you know how humiliating it is to sit in a restaurant alone for three fucking hours _begging_ the host for just a few more minutes every time he comes around because the other person should be coming soon!? To be asked to leave because someone else needs the table?!”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. It won't happen again, I swear.”

Though they make up that night nothing is the same after that.

They fight more often and Jaebum finds himself spending more time on the couch or at his office or even on Jinyoung’s couch.

Mark becomes quieter and more withdrawn as if that were possible.

Somedays are better than others.

Days where they aren't arguing or sneaking glances at each other from across the room after a fight are few and far between.

But they're the best days, Mark thinks. Jaebum too.

Bittersweet, really, if they're being honest.

Those days, days where they’ve been without each other too long, are reminiscent of the beginning days of their relationship.

Those days remind them of the laughter and happiness that used to be so abundant. Of why they chose each other in the first place.

Of what it was like to be young and delirious with love.

Of everything that's disappeared in the blink of an eye.

Everything they've lost because they failed to see what was happening before their very eyes.

It gets to a point where those bittersweet days become scarce and fighting a daily occurrence.

Fighting over everything and nothing. Over the simplest, stupidest little things that shouldn't even matter.

If Jaebum spends too much time at the office, they argue.

If Mark mistakenly orders chicken instead of pork in their tempura, they argue.

If there are dishes in the sink, or laundry left undone, they argue.

If they even just look at each other funny, they argue.

Every day it's something.

Every day it's nothing.

No more ‘I love you’s whispered against plush lips.

No more hugging or kissing.

No more cuddling or holding hands.

No laughing. No teasing remarks. Nothing.

Eventually arguments over stupid things turn to harsh, hurtful words.

The first time Jaebum hears the words ‘I hate you’ fall from Mark’s lips, his entire world careens off of its axis.

That day they argue because Mark makes too much noise cooking their dinner and Jaebum has to finish composing this piece goddamnit.

That day they yell each other hoarse, cheeks flushed and eyes blazing. They scream until they can't anymore and Jaebum, whether in the heat of the moment or because of some deep seated resentment, calls Mark an unemployed leech.

Tears gather in Mark’s pained eyes and by the time Jaebum realizes what he’s said it's too late.

The bedroom door slams shut, the lock clicks, and Jaebum falls to his knees. The words ‘I hate you’ ringing loudly in his ears.

They don't speak to each other for nearly a month after that night.

By that point they're so broken no amount of apologies can make things better.

Their friends can only look on and wonder sadly how such a perfect happy relationship could have soured so fast.

The next time they talk to each other Jaebum begs Mark on his knees not to shut him out like that again.

He apologizes for his harsh words, swears up, down, left and right that he didn't mean any of it. He was just frustrated and oh god he’s so sorry.

Mark forgives him and they manage one blissful week without arguing before it all goes to hell in a handbasket.

That fateful collision happens on, of all days, a bright sunny Spring afternoon.

Mark’s just landed a new job as a barrister at a mom-and-pop cafe and Jaebum’s stressed out about the deadline on his recent project, set in two days time, looming over his head.

He makes the mistake of leaving his pristine music sheets, freshly completed, on the kitchen table where Mark is busy testing out new coffee recipes on Jackson and BamBam.

It happens in a split second.

Like some horrible twist of fate, the cup slips from BamBam’s twitchy hands and lands sideways on the table.

Dark liquid splashes out onto the music sheets and all three of them watch in frozen horror as the white sheets turn brown.

Jaebum comes home to the three of them hunched over the table carefully blotting coffee out of suspiciously familiar looking sheets of paper.

His entire face goes a violent shade of red and his jaw clenches impossibly tight as he clutches the ruined sheets in his hands.

Immediately Mark ushers the younger two out of their apartment, to spare them from the coming storm of ugliness.

Instinct tells him to let Jaebum calm down before they talk. To let him blow off some steam so they can talk like the calm, rational adults they are not.

Mark makes the mistake of telling his instincts to go to hell.

They end up shouting at each other once more.

“You knew. YOU KNEW how important this project was to me! IS! How could you let this happen!?”

“It was an accident! But I can fix it! Just let me finish drying the sheets!”

“DON'T! Do you even care that I could lose my job over this!?”

“Of course I do! If you would just give me the sheets--!”

“Then how could you let this happen!?”

“It was an accident!!! But if they were so important you shouldn't have left them out on the kitchen table!! You knew I was testing out recipes!”

“Oh so this is my fault!?”

“No! I just--!”

“Nevermind! Just finish your stupid coffee testing. I’ll find a way to salvage this by myself.”

“Just give me the damn sheets!”

“DON’T!! Just leave me alone!!”

“Jae give me the--!”

“I said DON'T!!!”

There’s a horrifying moment after Mark goes down where it seems like he won't get back up.

The relief that Jaebum’s waiting for when he sees his boyfriend move never comes.

Instead it feels like someone's squeezing the life out of his heart when he looks down at his boyfriend of 8 years sprawled out on the ground, both hands clutching his throbbing cheek where a bruise begins to blossom.

That there's nothing but fear glowing in his eyes is a knife through the heart.

The music sheets flutter to the ground around them as Jaebum stares at his own trembling hands in horror.

They’ve argued, yelled, and screamed at each other until they were blue in the face. They’ve traded barbed words and thrown countless insults.

But never once in all of that has physical violence ever, _ever_ crossed Jaebum’s mind. He would kill himself, cut off his own hands and feet, before he ever hurt his sweet delicate Mark.

Yet here they are.

Mark is on the ground because Jaebum put him there.

He's holding his cheek in his hands and looking up at him with those round eyes because Jaebum hit him.

Jaebum _hit_ him.

Not a shove. Not a slap.

But a full on punch in the face.

Aghast at his own behavior, Jaebum reacts the only way he can think of.

He flees the apartment and doesn’t come back until the next morning, after spending all night berating himself on Jinyoung’s couch.

The sight that greets him when he walks into their apartment only makes him hate himself more.

There are two neat little piles of paper on the coffee table, one stained brown the other a pristine white.

A closer inspection of the white sheets reveals Mark’s familiar awkward scrawl and Jaebum finds he feels very much like an ass.

Especially when he looks down at the sleeping boy spread out across the other end of the coffee table with ink smeared across his cheek and the bridge of his nose and staining the tips of his fingers.

In that moment he really just wants throw himself off a bridge.

And that's when Jaebum realizes something he should have realized a long time ago.

They need help. Professional help.

Or they're going to lose everything.


End file.
